


Teaspoon :: Down on the Farm by cheri

by Cheriluvs10



Series: Beginning of a Journey [24]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 08:30:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2102556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten/Rain and Alan/Rose. Part of my Something Old, Something New series. Alan has a great idea, organic cow farming, and he wants the Doctor, Rain, Hope and Tara to come and look at a farm he has his eye on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

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**Down on the Farm** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=49835&chapid=119801) \- [7](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=49835&chapid=119801)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=49835&chapter=1) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=49835&chapter=all)   


Author's Notes:

This story is a part of my Something Old, Something New series. It's a huge series and very involved. There is a list of the stories and the order they should be read and my other series in my profile. It's also based on what David Tennant said during Midnight Con: 10.2 and Rose are organic cattle farmers and have twins - a boy and a girl - named Gallifrey and Debenhams. Since they already have children in this series, I'm using the concept of the organic cattle farming.  
  
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6

  
  
Chapter One  
  
It was a pleasant morning on New Gallifrey. The Doctor was home at the moment, spending time with his wife, Rain, and children, Hope and Tara. Tara had dropped by to show her father an idea for a possible adventure and Hope was relaxing. The Academy was on a weeklong break and she had just earned a certificate of merit for perfect marks in all her classes. The Doctor rewarded her with a trip to a funfair and now the certificate was displayed on the wall behind the holotelevision. The Doctor was sitting on the sofa in between his children while Rain was upstairs, getting ready to go out on a shopping trip with Donna.  
  
Tara let out an exasperated sigh at her father's teasing behavior. She was trying to interest him in a trip to a zoological park on a fairly distant planet but the Doctor was raising every objection he could find and poking fun at her.  
  
"Dad, come on," Tara said.  
  
"Come on, where? I'm taking a break from traveling at the moment," the Doctor said, amused. "I just got back from Genara Five and I'm spent. I don't wanna see a bunch of manky animals in a zoo. Zoos smell."  
  
He grinned when Hope giggled at that. She was playing with her Nintendo DS but was still listening to the conversation.  
  
"How about if I go with you?" Tara said.  
  
"You smell as well. That would be double the agony."  
  
"Dad!" Tara said exasperated.  
  
"Tara!" the Doctor said, mocking her tone of voice.  
  
Hope giggled some more and the Doctor tousled her hair affectionately.  
  
"Okay…here," Tara said, reaching into her pocket.  
  
The Doctor frowned when she pulled out five dollars and handed it to him.  
  
"What's this for?" he said.  
  
"Bribe."  
  
"Five dollars, that's the amount of your bribe?" the Doctor said with raised eyebrow while Hope giggled.  
  
"You're my father," Tara said, shrugging.  
  
"Yes. I made an effort to bring you into this world so I deserve more."  
  
"You didn't make me, you found me in Florida."  
  
"Oh yeah, that's right. Sorry, I have eighteen million children and it's hard to keep track. Anyway, I'm a Time Lord and I deserve more."  
  
"So? I'm a Time Lady," Tara said, shrugging.  
  
"No, no, no, you don't understand. I'm THE TIME LORD so I deserve more," the Doctor said.  
  
"Egocentric much, Dad?" Tara said.  
  
"No, just being honest about my awesomeness," the Doctor said. "I was the last of my kind which makes me the first of everyone on this planet. That ups my bribe value and sorry, poppet, five dollars won't do it," he said, putting the money back in her lap. "Now…I might consider for 50,000 dollars and a rare white elephant…consider, mind," he said, holding his finger up in the air. "My daughter must please me before I make a decision."  
  
"Hope, wanna go to the zoo?" Tara said to her sister.  
  
"Yeah!" Hope said, bouncing in place.  
  
"Now…I'm the father of this child," the Doctor said, holding up his hand. "I definitely made this one so…I have complete control over her comings and goings. So…if you want to take her, that'll be 100,000 dollars and an albino tiger," he said, holding out his hand.  
  
"What's with the albino animals?" Tara said.  
  
"Oh, that's my day job. I'm a poacher and I sell rare animals on the black market. I use my TARDIS but it's so tiring walking into the jungle and finding white animals. Why strain myself when I could get my daughter to do it for me?"  
  
He chuckled when Tara playfully punched his arm. Then he heard a knock on his door and looked over to see Rose looking in at him from the bay window. Hope let out a squeal of delight, put her DS down on the sofa cushion and hurried over to the door while Rose walked over to it.  
  
"Hey!" Hope said when she opened the door. "I got a certificate."  
  
"Really? What for?" Rose said.  
  
She followed Hope over to the wall and leaned in to read when Hope pointed to it.  
  
"Wow, you got full marks in all your classes? I'm proud of you," Rose said when she finished reading it.  
  
"Thanks, I did very good," Hope said.  
  
"I'll say," Rose said.  
  
"Hi, we're over here when she gets done tooting her own horn," the Doctor said, waving to Rose.  
  
"Got that right," Tara muttered.  
  
Rose rubbed Hope's back and Hope followed her while she walked over to the Doctor.  
  
"I need your help," Rose said to the Doctor.  
  
"Well…that would require 200, 000 dollars and a white rhinoceros," the Doctor said.  
  
"What?" Rose said while Tara laughed.  
  
"Never mind, private joke between me and my daughters. What do you need my help for?"  
  
"You need to go and have a word with your brother," Rose said.  
  
"Which brother? I have several."  
  
Rose gave him a withering look.  
  
"Which brother do you think I mean?" she said while the children giggled.  
  
"Look, Rose," the Doctor said, getting up and putting his hands on her shoulders. "I love you dearly but I'm not breaking up one of Jack's orgies. Too messy and time consuming on my part."  
  
"Not him!" Rose said while the children laughed harder. "The mental case that sprang from your hand!"  
  
"Oh him!" the Doctor said, feigning surprise. "Why? What has the sane little angel gone and done now?"  
  
"He hasn't done it yet," Rose muttered.  
  
"Okay, so what has the sane little angel planned to gone and done then?"  
  
"He wants to buy a farm," Rose said.  
  
The Doctor stared at her.  
  
"Come again?" he said.  
  
"He wants to buy a farm and be an organic cow farmer," Rose said while the children giggled. "I've tried to talk him out of it but he won't listen to me so I need your help before he goes halfway across the planet and takes me with him!"  
  
The Doctor held up a finger before he walked over to the stairs. Tara and Hope looked at each other before they and Rose followed him.  
  
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO  
  
Rain was standing in the bathroom that was adjacent to her and her husband's room. She had just had a shower and was brushing her long hair when the Doctor walked into the room. Rain smiled tenderly at him and accepted the kiss on the cheek from her husband. She continued to brush her hair as the Doctor leaned against the sink counter and pulled out his mobile. Then she looked over when her children entered and her eyes widened with delight when she saw Rose.  
  
"Hey, I wondered who was knocking on the door," she said to Rose. "Where's Dweebo?"  
  
"At the house," Rose said. "That's why I'm here."  
  
Rain was about to ask what that meant when the Doctor tapped her on the shoulder. She looked at him and he pointed to the mobile.  
  
"Alan," he said when Alan answered the phone. "Your wife is over here asking for my help in deterring you from buying an organic cow farm."  
  
Rose giggled when Rain's eyes boggled and she froze in mid-brush.  
  
"He wants to buy what?" she said, turning towards her husband.  
  
"A farm, Mummy. A moo moo farm," Hope said, coming up beside her.  
  
The Doctor held up his finger for silence.  
  
"Brother, I would think long and hard before doing this since your wife apparently doesn't want to go live on a farm," he said to Alan.  
  
"Seriously?" Rain said to Rose.  
  
Rose rolled her eyes and nodded. She looked at her husband when he tapped her on the shoulder again.  
  
"Alan wishes us to go with him to inspect the farm so we can see how wonderful it is," he said to her.  
  
"I'm going shopping with Donna," Rain said. "Where is this farm anyway?"  
  
"Pleasure Valley," Rose said.  
  
Rain spun around.  
  
"That's on the other side of the planet," she said. "He wants to move that far for cows?"  
  
"Yup," Rose said.  
  
"And just when I thought the guy couldn't get any more moronic," Rain said sighing.  
  
The Doctor tapped her on the shoulder again. She looked and he held out the mobile to her. Rain rolled her eyes and took it from him.  
  
"Yes?" she said.  
  
"I can hear everything you're saying to my wife," Alan said. "I do have excellent hearing."  
  
"Apparently not since Rose keeps saying no to your idea of a farm and you won't listen," Rain said.  
  
"Forget Donna and shopping. Come see it for youselves or…bring Donna along."  
  
"Donna on the farm, yeah, she'll go for that in a heartbeat," Rain said dryly.  
  
"Just come…bring the children, bring Rose. We'll take Daisy and I'll take you back in time to have your shopping spree with Donna."  
  
Rain glanced at her husband, knowing he could hear everything and was listening.  
  
"It's up to you, I'll go with him to pacify him but it's up to you if you want to come or not."  
  
"Can you take us? I trust your driving skills more than I do his," Rain said.  
  
"Hey, I'm an expert pilot," Alan protested.  
  
"I trust you can get me back here before Donna comes, him, I'm not so sure," Rain said to her husband.  
  
"I can do that," Alan protested.  
  
"I want my husband to take us," Rain said to Alan. "If you let him do that, I'll go to Pleasure Valley and take a look at this farm. But that doesn't mean I agree with your decision to buy one."  
  
"Thanks ever so muchly for your support," Alan said dryly.  
  
"Can I go?" Hope said, tugging on the sleeve of her lavender blouse.  
  
"Yes, you and your sister can go," Rain said. "And I'm going to go now because I have to change into something more appropriate for a farm so I'll let your brother talk to you."  
  
"See you soon, Rainy," Alan said.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Rain muttered before handing the mobile back to her husband.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	2. Chapter 2

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6

  
  
Chapter Two  
  
The Doctor finished his conversation with his brother downstairs while Rose brought the dogs in from the back garden and played with them. The corgis wagged their tails furiously and jumped up.  
  
"You smell my dog on me, dontcha?" she said to them as they jumped up and down.  
  
The Doctor glanced upstairs. Hope was changing clothes and Tara was using the guestroom to change into something more appropriate. He decided to go up and check on his youngest daughter and make sure she wasn't goofing off. He went upstairs. On his way to Hope's room, he heard his name being called and saw Rain sticking her head out the door of their bedroom.  
  
"Can I talk to you for a moment?" she said.  
  
The Doctor nodded. He frowned when Rain shut the door behind him the moment he entered the room.  
  
"Something wrong?" he said to her.  
  
"Thete, was I a bit too harsh with Alan just now?" she said.  
  
"Um…you were doing your usual bratty brother/sister banter as far as I can tell," the Doctor said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"Yeah but I realized I was a bit harsh with him and I started thinking that it sounded like I was trying to kill his dream of owning a farm."  
  
The Doctor frowned but kept on listening.  
  
"It scared me a bit because I realized I sounded just like Amber just then," Rain said. "I sounded like her the night I wanted to go with Alan and Rose. All that you need to be practical and keep your feet on the ground. I was doing that to him."  
  
The Doctor smiled lovingly and sat down on the bed. He reached out for her hand and took it when she extended it.  
  
"Latara, I think you're overthinking this," he said to her. "And I think you're not giving Alan enough credit for knowing the difference between teasing and malicious talk about giving up his dreams. And since Alan is partly me, I can tell you that he wouldn't be fazed if you told him in a serious way to give up his dream because Alan is stubborn, just like me. Besides, you lot have been doing this for centuries now. It's the whole sibling rivalry thing that Alan enjoys and I know that because he told me so. Everyone knew what was going on, that's why no one said anything. I'd be more concerned if you didn't say something sarcastic to him about it. That's why I used the mobile instead of just thinking to him. Because I wanted to see your reaction to it. As for Amber…no, I don't think you're turning into your sister. The only time you act this way is with Alan. Like I said, you're overthinking something that's become habit between the two of you. Alan enjoys the whole give and take so don't worry about it. We all know you love each other."  
  
"I'm sorry, Thete, I just realized what it sounded like and it frightened me for a moment."  
  
"I know, Latara. Because you were expected to be the practical one once," the Doctor said, patting her hand. "But bless your father for shutting Amber up and allowing you to go on a crazy journey with Rose and Alan, because it led you here. Here…"  
  
The Doctor stood up, pulled out his mobile and rang Alan. When he answered, the Doctor explained the situation to him while Rain listened. She heard silence on his end while the Doctor spoke and there was silence for a few moments after he finished speaking.  
  
"Is she there?" she finally heard him say.  
  
"Yeah, she's right beside me," the Doctor said, glancing at his wife.  
  
"Let me talk to her."  
  
The Doctor held the mobile out to Rain. She took it and cleared her throat.  
  
"Hey, bro," she said.  
  
"Okay, first off, I never, ever thought you were being malicious," Alan said. "I figured you would object since it's the sort of harebrained scheme you would tell me not to pursue. You didn't upset me, you didn't insult me and I gave your words no thought off I put the mobile back in my pocket. Brother is right; you are putting way too much thought into what you just said and overanalyzing it. And no, you're not turning into Amber. I would slap you silly if you were. I love you, you love me, this is a part of our bond, this whole teasing and insulting thing. I enjoy it and I thought you did as well."  
  
"I do but I don't want you to think I don't want you to have dreams," Rain said.  
  
Alan chuckled.  
  
"Rainy, I have heaps of dreams and your friendly insults aren't going to deter me from any of them," he said fondly. "Now stop worrying about if you're hurting my feelings or not and come with us to the farm. Just think of it as an adventure with cows."  
  
Rain chuckled while the Doctor smiled at that.  
  
"Okay, bro. I'll go along with you just this once," she said.  
  
"Eh, you always say that but you can't resist me and my manly charms," Alan said.  
  
"P'eh, you have no manly charms," Rain said while the Doctor's smile grew.  
  
"You say that but…"  
  
Rain rolled her eyes and chuckled.  
  
"See…just a bit of friendly sibling banter, nothing more," he said. "Now hang up the phone and get ready. I'm growing impatient here."  
  
"Okay, bro. See you in a moment."  
  
"Unfortunately."  
  
"Piss off," Rain said.  
  
"I will. I'll piss off the roof onto your pointed head."  
  
He chuckled with Rain. She told him goodbye and handed the phone back to the Doctor.  
  
"I think the problem is solved now, Brother," he said to Alan. "So I'll ring off here and finish getting ready. See you soon."  
  
He ended the call and smiled at his wife as he put the mobile back in his pocket.  
  
"Feel better?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, I think my head is on straight again," she said.  
  
"Good. I like it that way," he said before kissing her forehead. "So…I was going to check on Trouble and make sure she was getting dressed and not playing."  
  
"Go ahead, I have to finish here," Rain said.  
  
The Doctor kissed her forehead again before opening the door and heading on to Hope's room.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	3. Teaspoon :: Down on the Farm by cheri

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6

  
  
Chapter Three  
  
After everyone finished getting ready, the Doctor put the dogs inside the TARDIS and allowed everyone else to come in after them. Hope was the last to go in and she stopped beside him and looked up.  
  
"So is this another reward for me being smarter than you?" she teased him.  
  
"Who says you're smarter than me?" he teased back.  
  
"Because I got full marks in all my classes and you never did."  
  
Rain was standing just inside the doorway and laughed at the fact that the Doctor couldn't refute that.  
  
"Um…yeah, get in Cheeky," he finally said, pointing to the interior of the TARDIS while Rain and Hope giggled.  
  
"What's the matter, comment hit home?" Rain teased her husband when he came inside and closed the door.  
  
"You don't need book knowledge to be smart," the Doctor said to her.  
  
"But she's still right, you never did get full marks in everything," Rain said.  
  
"Yes, well, I have a TARDIS and she doesn't, so there!"  
  
Rain and Hope giggled when the Doctor stuck his tongue out at Hope and headed to his console. He beckoned to Hope and she walked up to his side.  
  
"Okay, Brainiac, start up my TARDIS then if you're so smart," he said, folding his arms over his chest and looking down at her.  
  
"TARDIS, start up!" Hope yelled up.  
  
Everyone laughed except the Doctor when the TARDIS came to life. Hope patted his arm and stuck her tongue out at him before walking smugly over to her mother.  
  
"Yeah, well…I'm still made of awesome!" the Doctor retorted while everyone laughed.  
  
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO  
  
"Ah, there you are," Alan said when the Doctor opened the TARDIS door inside his lounge. "I was beginning you lot swanned off to Alpha Centauri for a holiday."  
  
Alice ran to greet Rose when she stepped out and Rose rubbed her Alsatian's back fondly. Alan was holding his dog, Speck, in his hands and rubbing her head while she stared calmly at the TARDIS. When Alan saw Rain step out, he put Speck down and walked over to her, embracing her warmly.  
  
"Still friends?" he said as he held her.  
  
"Yup," Rain said.  
  
"Good," he said.  
  
He gave her back a quick rub before letting go. He picked Speck back up and Rose told Alice to go inside the TARDIS.  
  
"You're gonna have to help me pilot the TARDIS to this farm," the Doctor said to Alan as they walked into the TARDIS with everyone else.  
  
"No worries, it's not that hard to find. It's the Gallifreyan Dells farm," Alan said.  
  
Rain froze when she heard that and turned to him.  
  
"Gallifreyan Dells? You're buying them out?" she said in disbelief. "Seriously?"  
  
"What's Gallifreyan Dells, Mummy?" Hope said.  
  
"It's the biggest dairy on Gallifrey," Rain said to her. "We usually buy their milk and cheese when we're not shopping on Earth."  
  
"You're gonna buy the biggest dairy?" Hope said to Alan.  
  
"Perhaps, I'm talking to the owners first," Alan said to her. "At the very least, they might let me apprentice before taking over. I did have the intention of doing that. Not gonna dive right in and do it all myself."  
  
"And they're organic farmers?" Tara said.  
  
"Yes, completely organic. They're quite known for that actually," Alan said while he helped his brother program the console. "I don't want to do something that would impact the environment in a negative way, especially after all the work we've done to make this a viable planet."  
  
"I want to make this a viable planet too," Hope said.  
  
"You can't. I said it so my words are copywrited," Alan said.  
  
He tousled her hair when she giggled at that.  
  
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX  
  
The TARDIS landed just outside Gallifreyan Dells farm. Pleasure Valley was a green and tranquil place that was mainly used by farmers since there was ample rain and green pastures for grazing and growing crops. Of all the farms in the valley, Gallifreyan Dells was the biggest spreading over thousands of acres of land. Dirt roads were used instead of paved in order to preserve the environment and there was a dirt road that ran alongside the farm. There were white wooden fences running the length of it and the dirt road turned and led up to a wooden gate with a sign above it saying WELCOME TO GALLIFREYAN DELLS. Next to the gate was a call box. The Doctor smiled when he noticed that spaced evenly along the road was silver leaved trees. The Doctor pointed them out to Hope and Tara.  
  
"They started breeding these," he said to his daughters as they stared at them. "They finally found a genetic strain that mimicked the originals."  
  
"They're beautiful," Hope said, walking over to the one nearest the gate.  
  
When she reached the fence, she looked in and saw several lavender colored cows grazing. The cows resembled normal cows, except none had tails.  
  
"These cows are weird, they don't look like normal cows," Hope said to everyone while she pointed out into the field.  
  
Everyone came up to the fence. The Doctor came up beside his daughter and chuckled when he saw the cows.  
  
"That's because they're not Earth cows, love. These are Putongs. They're from the planet Enoch originally. They were one of the animals that were brought here in the beginning and breed so we would have animals."  
  
"But they have cows here too, regular cows," Tara said to him.  
  
"Yes, they do. But they pick and chose animals from all over the universe. Putongs are like cows, they give milk and meat, they're just a species of alien cow."  
  
"Putongs are supposedly a hardier species than Earth cows," Alan said. "They give more milk and it's supposed to be creamier and more healthy."  
  
"Which is why Gallifreyan Dells are the leading dairy on the planet," Rain said. "That's why I buy their brand when I shop here. I love the taste of the milk."  
  
"But I've been drinking milk from purple cows all this time?" Hope said to her.  
  
"Oh please, you like it. You drink their milk and eat their cheese like a maniac," Tara said. "Now because you find out their purple, you suddenly don't like the milk and cheese anymore? You've eaten weirder things traveling with Dad."  
  
Alan pointed when they saw a hovercar in the distance traveling between two large white barns. He walked over to the call box by the gate and pushed the intercom button. When a woman answered, he told them who they were and asked to be let in. Everyone else came up behind him and they watched while there was an audible click and the gates slowly swung open. When the gates were open, everyone walked through them and followed the path up to a white farmhouse in the distance.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	4. Teaspoon :: Down on the Farm by cheri

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6

  
  
Chapter Four  
  
When they reached the house, there was a plump, elderly lady standing on the porch waiting to greet them. The Doctor did a double take when he got a good look at her.  
  
"Zara?" he said to her. "You own Gallifreyan Dells Dairy?"  
  
Zara chuckled.  
  
"I'm pleased you remember me, Doctor, it's been awhile since I was a member of the council," she said. "And yes, I'm co-owner. My husband started this and after I left the council, I joined him. And Rain, it's been awhile as well."  
  
"Nice to see you again, Councilor Zara," Rain said.  
  
"Eh, call me Zara now, haven't been a councilor in ages. Tara, I know but who is this?"  
  
"This is my youngest daughter, Hope," the Doctor said. "Hope, this is Zara, an old friend."  
  
"Hi," Hope said, waving. "Do you have Earth cows here too?"  
  
"We do," Zara said. "Well, to be honest, we got in several and we're trying to breed them. I could give you a tour since I'm sure that's what Alan and Rose want at the moment. Do you have the time?"  
  
"We have as much time as you need," the Doctor said.  
  
Zara nodded and smiled. She stepped down off the porch and beckoned to them. Everyone followed her down a dirt path to the first barn. The barns were large, made of wood and a couple of acres long. Zara slid open a large metal door and everyone stepped inside. The air inside smelled of straw, cow and dung. There were stables stretching towards the other end of the building. Some were empty but most held cows and putongs in them.  
  
"As you can see, we have a mix of cattle in here," she said, gesturing to the stalls while they walked. "And this is an Earth cow," she said, pointing at one as they stopped by its stall. "Just got it about…oh…two months ago. We're trying to branch out and bring in more species for a more diverse range of products. We're been successful with the putong milk but some customers have asked for more flavors and different kinds of milk. We decided to oblige them."  
  
"Are you planning to interbreed?" the Doctor asked her while Hope stroked the cow's face.  
  
"We're not sure, we have to look into that first. We want to be sure they can interbreed," Zara said.  
  
"What's interbreeding?" Hope said.  
  
"Mate cows and putongs and see if you get a brand new species of cow," Alan said to her.  
  
"So you make a cow that's kinda purple?" Hope said to Zara.  
  
Zara chuckled.  
  
"Perhaps. Perhaps a putong with a tail," she said to her.  
  
"Do you have baby cows?" Hope asked.  
  
"We do but that's in the next barn. So everyone, follow me."  
  
They walked out of the barn and Zara shut the door. She led them to the next barn, identical to the first except half the size. When they went inside, there was a strong smell of antiseptic added to the other mixture of smells. Zara shut the door behind them.  
  
"We have a few cows that were born prematurely. That's why it has a slightly hospital smell to it. We have several that are ill as well. We're trying to save them. And there are normal calves that are just being held in here until they're old enough to be put to pasture."  
  
The stalls here were made of Perspex with air holes in the front of them. On the front of each one was a keypad. Inside the stalls, calves rested on fresh straw and ate at grain troughs and drank at a water trough near the back. Below the keypad was a monitor with another keypad attached to it. Zara led them to one that had a premature putong inside it. She punched a code into the keypad and everyone backed up when the door swung open. Unlike the others, this stall had no troughs inside it. The putong was tiny, slightly larger than a newborn baby. Zara went inside and gently picked up the newborn. When she moved it, it made a very weak "WAAAAH" noise as it lowed. Zara smiled at Hope when she drew near.  
  
"Would you like to hold her?" Zara said.  
  
Hope nodded and smiled and Zara carefully put the newborn calf in her arms. Hope cradled the baby and walked back to her parents with it. The Doctor smiled and knelt down while everyone else gathered in for a closer look.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" the Doctor asked Zara. "You said she was premature but is she ill or just weak?"  
  
"This one has underdeveloped lungs," Zara said. "It's fairly common with first time parents like hers. Putong generally have trouble with their first birth or two. We're tending to her as best we can but she's still weak."  
  
"She's cute," Hope said, rocking the baby putong gently in her arms while the putong let out her "Wah!" The Doctor pointed to a series of three horizontal ridges along the baby's neck.  
  
"See these?" he said to his daughters while Tara bent over for a closer look. "These ridges under the skin are all that remain of gills. Millions of years ago, the putong were aquatic mammals and lived under the sea. This is all that remains of that."  
  
"They can't swim now?" Tara asked him.  
  
"Not like a fish, not anymore," the Doctor said, shaking his head.  
  
"So you don't throw them in the water and be mean," Hope said to Alan.  
  
Rose laughed when Alan sucked in his breath and cracked his knuckles while he walked over to the back of the giggling child.  
  
"What was that you said just now? Sounded something akin to abuse and stupidity just then," he said behind her, leaning in while Hope giggled. "Sounds like you think I would throw these cows in a sack and drown them for a giggle. Is that what you just said?"  
  
Hope shrugged and grinned when Alan put his hand on her head and tapped his finger against her skull.  
  
"Just so you know, I'm plotting pain for you but you won't know when it comes," he said aloud while Hope giggled at the tapping of his finger on her skull.  
  
"Hey, Dad," Tara whispered as she leaned in to him.  
  
"Hey, what?"  
  
"Zoo next?"  
  
The Doctor let out an exasperated sigh while Tara giggled.  
  
"See him?" the Doctor said, pointing to Alan. "Technically, he's me. Take him!"  
  
"I can't take him to a zoo. He'll abuse the giraffes."  
  
"Too right. Spotted demons, ignoring me all those years ago. They deserve to be thrown in the sack and drowned, not something like Purply here," he said.  
  
He paused a moment and then resume the tapping of his finger against Hope's skull while she giggled.  
  
"I want this one. Daddy, let's keep it," Hope said to the Doctor.  
  
She and Tara laughed when the Doctor's eyes bulged and he stared at her silently for a moment.  
  
"And pray, eager lover of animals daughter, where will we keep said putong?" he finally said to her as he pointed to the calf.  
  
"In the house," Hope said. "In my bedroom."  
  
Everyone laughed when the Doctor gave her the wide eyed stare for a moment before straightening up.  
  
"Latara," he said to his wife. "Didn't our daughter see the adult putong out in the field before we came in?"  
  
"I believe she did, yes," Rain said.  
  
"Does she think this one won't grow then?" the Doctor said to her as he pointed to the calf.  
  
"It could live in the swimming pool, like it used to do millions of years ago," Hope said.  
  
"Oh jolly good, what better way to scare the living snot out of the dogs than to have a great big purple cow come out of the swimming pool towards them," the Doctor said while everyone howled with laughter. "And we'll be a hit at our barbecues when our guests have to dodge both the cow and the cow shite while they're swimming in the water. I-eeeeee don't think so, Hope," he said to her. "You have two dogs at the house, that's quite enough."  
  
"Can I keep it here then?" Hope said. "And come visit it if Uncle Alan gets the farm."  
  
"That would be lovely, visit it all you like, all the livelong day. As long as it stays here and your studies don't suffer. You're not failing the academy because you're here ogling Bessy all day and night."  
  
"Can you make sure she doesn't die for me?" Hope asked Zara.  
  
"I will try my best, love," Zara said fondly.  
  
"If it helps, I think I might have something in my med bay that can help heal the cows and keep them alive," the Doctor said. "I'll fetch the medicines after the tour if you'd like."  
  
"Thank you, Doctor, I would love that," Zara said.  
  
"And they won't harm the milk or meat of the cow in any way," the Doctor said. "Since you're concerned about everything being organic."  
  
Zara thanked him again and took the putong from Hope. Rain rubbed her shoulder while Hope watched Zara put the calf back down in the straw. The cow lowed weakly for a moment before going back to sleep. Zara closed the door and smiled at everyone.  
  
"This way, I'll show you where we milk the putongs and make the dairy products," she said to them.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	5. Teaspoon :: Down on the Farm by cheri

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6

  
  
Chapter Five  
  
As they headed for the entrance, the Doctor drew near to his wife.  
  
"Even if Brother doesn't buy this farm, you have to admit this is very educational for the children," he said softly to her. "They get to see how some of their food is made."  
  
"They'll see even more when we bring the cow home," Rain said.  
  
The Doctor gave her a shocked look and rolled his eyes at the mischievous look on her face.  
  
"You're just as bad as the children sometimes, Latara," he said softly as they went outside.  
  
Zara shut the door when everyone was outside. She beckoned to them and they walked around the back to a hover vehicle. The cab had room for one passenger and there was a flatbed in the back for everyone else. Alan got in the front with Zara while everyone else scrambled into the back and sat down. Zara started up the engine and the truck glided smoothly away from the barn.  
  
"So what do you think so far?" Rain said to Rose while they sat in the back of the truck.  
  
Rose sighed.  
  
"I don't have a problem with him running the farm, I have a problem with moving to the other side of the planet," she said. "I like living in our house and I like being close to everyone else. This is...in the middle of nowhere as far as I'm concerned."  
  
"What if he used his TARDIS and commuted here?" the Doctor said.  
  
"I wouldn't mind that, I just don't want to leave our home," Rose said. "The other concern I have is his attention span. I mean...look," she said, gesturing to the expansive farm around them. "Look at all the cows, this is huge. I mean, this is a big commitment. It's not like owning one little chihuahua. This is not something he can just drop and walk away. And of course, he has to choose Gallifrey Dells, the biggest dairy on the planet, which means even more pressure on him."  
  
"You might be surprised," Tara said. "He might turn out to be terrific at this."  
  
"Yes, besides I doubt Zara is gonna let him do this without proper training," the Doctor said to her. "This is her and her husband's farm, I doubt they're gonna entrust it to someone who couldn't run it properly. As for living here, I'll speak to him about that."  
  
He looked at Hope when she tugged on his sleeve.  
  
"I want that cow and that one and that one and that one," she said, randomly pointing to putong in the field as they passed by.  
  
"Or...she could stay here and run the farm since she's growing quite attached to the bovine population here and we could just all go home and leave her," the Doctor said to his family.  
  
"Good, I wouldn't have to go to school anymore," Hope muttered.  
  
"Then again, maybe that's exactly what she wants," the Doctor said while his family laughed.  
  
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX  
  
The truck stopped in front of an enormous white dairy barn that was situated between two large fields of putong. Everyone got out and the Doctor walked around the truck to Alan.  
  
"Brother, a word?" he said, intercepting him as he was getting out.  
  
"Yeeees?" Alan said.  
  
The Doctor told him about the conversation and Alan sighed wearily and rolled his eyes. He beckoned to his brother to follow him and they walked over to Rose. Alan tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
"Brother has informed me of the conversation that occurred while I was talking to Zara up front," he said to her. "I don't want to move here and I told Zara that. I want to commute as Brother suggested and Zara is okay with that. As for me not being up to the challenge of running this place..."  
  
Rose raised her eyebrow when he stared at her. The Doctor giggled when he mimed picking his nose and flicking the bogey on her.  
  
"So there," he said to her.  
  
"Oh yeah, that fills me with a lot of confidence. Especially the childish nose picking part of your rebuttal," Rose said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Besides, if I'm in trouble, I'll give Bro here a toodle-loo on the old blower," Alan said, putting his arm around the Doctor.  
  
"No you won't because he has his own life. If you muck this up, he's not gonna be there to pull you out of it. If you do it, it's on your own head."  
  
"'ear that? It's on me own 'ead, it is," Alan said with a thick Cockney accent.  
  
"Well, she's right, I go other places, I can't be here every day managing your dream," the Doctor said. "You want this farm, better be prepared to make a commitment to it."  
  
"Yes, Mum and Dad," Alan said.  
  
"Just giving you fair warning, Son," Rose said to him.  
  
Hope came up beside Alan.  
  
"I want forty cows for me," she said. "So make note of that."  
  
"You want a swift kick in the bum is what you want," Alan said.  
  
"Ahem, are we going to go on this tour or not?" Tara said as she and her mother stood with Zara near the barn door.  
  
"Yes, yes, we were just putting Rose's fears to rest," Alan said as he took his wife's hand.  
  
Hope walked beside her father while they walked up to the barn door. When everyone was standing beside Zara, she opened the door and showed them inside.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	6. Teaspoon :: Down on the Farm by cheri

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1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6

  
  
Chapter Six  
  
Zara showed them into a huge barn that was about one hundred and fifty feet long. Near the front of the building were stalls on each side of a concrete pathway. In several of the stalls, Putong were being milked by a machine that was attached to their udders. The bovine calmly munched hay from a metal box attached to the metal fence that held them in. Zara led them to the first stall and rubbed the putong's nose while she pointed to the bovine's udders. Steel sheaths covered each udder and each sheath was attached to a plastic tube that ran along the straw covered floor to a hole in the concrete wall. Beside the hole was another metal gate and beyond that was a short covered corridor the led back out to the pasture.  
  
"Our putong are brought in by servo robots and placed in these stalls. They're milked daily and the milk is transported back through the tubes to a central vat that is in the back part of the building. The milking usually takes about thirty minutes and then the putong are free to roam for the rest of the day," Zara said to them.  
  
"Does it hurt them?" Hope said, pointing to the sheaths.  
  
"No, sweetie. It's the same sensation they'd get if a calf was taking milk from them. There's no pain at all," Zara said.  
  
"And this part is run completely by the robots?" the Doctor said.  
  
"Yes. If there is a problem, we get a call on our communicator telling us what the problem is and the ID number of the robot that made the call so we can see it for ourselves. Most of the time things run smoothly though. We make sure the milk isn't contaminated in any way and oversee production when the milk is bottles or made into other dairy products. So if you come this way, I'll show you the vat and our processing plant."  
  
Everyone followed Zara while she led them to the back of the barn.  
  
"I want that one and that one and that one," Hope said, pointing to the putong while they walked by them.  
  
"Do you want me to hook you up to the milker, motor mouth?" Alan asked her.  
  
"I don't have any milk," Hope said smugly.  
  
"Oh, believe me, I could find a way to get some outta ya if you give me enough time," Alan said.  
  
The back of the building contained two twenty foot tall steel vats filled with milk. The plastic tubes had been replaced with steel ones that fed the milk into the vat. They heard a whirring sound as Zara led them around the vats and showed them more tubes leading out of the top of the vats that snaked halfway up the room. The tubes were suspended in the air and they were part of a conveyor belt system that processed cartons of milk. Empty bottles were run along the conveyor belt as the milk flowed into them and they were sealed and stamped with a sell by date. Another conveyor belt poured the milk into steel containers.  
  
"This one over here," Zara said, leading them over to it. "is milk that will be used for other things like cream, butter and cheese. At the end of both conveyor belts are robots that check the milk and load them onto hover lorries. The milk is shipped out and this milk is taken to other barns on the property where they're made into other things. And we oversee everything and make sure it all runs smoothly."  
  
"So…Alan would just be in charge of the cows and the robots then?" Rose said.  
  
"And promotion. Occasionally we do adverts for TV or magazines," Zara said.  
  
"Oh God, I can just imagine Alan doing adverts," Rose said while the Doctor snickered.  
  
"Buy my milk, the Doctor's my brother," Alan said. "That oughta up the sales."  
  
"No, we're not using my name to promote your business," the Doctor said while everyone laughed. "I told you, you're on your own with this one."  
  
"Can I pretend to be you and do it that way?" Alan said.  
  
"No, because if you do, I'll feed you to the putong, all the ones that my daughter has selected up to now," the Doctor said.  
  
After completing the tour, Zara led them back to the house. By now, her husband, Baylor, had returned home and Zara introduced him to everyone when he came outside and stood on the front porch. Baylor was an elderly Asian man with a wizened face. But he had a strong, healthy body and had youthful energy and exuberance. He bowed low when Zara introduced the Doctor.  
  
"It is an honor, sir," he said. "Zara's told me about you but I am honored to meet you in person."  
  
"It's a pleasure to meet you as well," the Doctor said. "And please, don't call me sir. I hate that."  
  
Baylor nodded. They went inside and Zara took them into the kitchen. It was a huge kitchen with modern appliances but with a country and cow theme. Zara offered them some milk and cheddar cheese made with fresh putong milk and the Doctor sat with his family at the wooden kitchen table while Rose and Alan chatted with Zara and Baylor on the other side of the room.  
  
"Mmm, this is good cheese," Hope said as she bit into a slice.  
  
"Yup, didn't think you'd get free samples at the end of the tour, eh?" Rain said to her.  
  
"I want Uncle Alan to have the farm so we can come visit," Hope said.  
  
"I want Daddy Doctor to get off his tush and come to the zoo with me," Tara said.  
  
"I want Daughter Tara to shut her gob about the zoo and leave me alone," the Doctor said before taking a sip of milk.  
  
"You love the zoo and you know it," Tara teased.  
  
"Oh yes, I just love imprisoned creatures. Reminds me of all the times I've been imprisoned," the Doctor said dryly before taking another sip of milk.  
  
"You know…this is a large farmhouse," Rain said, leaning in. "If Alan and Rose won't be using it and if Baylor and Zara are leaving, perhaps they can rent it out then."  
  
"To who?" the Doctor said to her.  
  
"Well, Dad did mention that he and his roommates were looking for a bigger place," Rain said. "Perhaps, they would enjoy living here. They could help watch over the farm when Alan and Rose aren't around."  
  
"Would they come to the other side of the planet though?" the Doctor said.  
  
"They have a TARDIS, they can come and see us whenever they like," Rain said with a shrug. "Besides, I think they'd rather live in the country, especially since they go fishing all the time."  
  
"And I can stay with them and have my cow army," Hope said.  
  
"More like dork army," Tara said.  
  
"Daddy, can I borrow your sonic so I can give my sister brain damage?" Hope said.  
  
"Daddy, can I borrow your fist so I can give my sister brain damage?" Tara said.  
  
The Doctor said nothing. He got up from his chair, walked over to Alan and whispered in his ear. Alan glanced at the children, patted his brother on the shoulder and took his place at the table.  
  
"I have been informed by my brother that strife is occurring at the breakfast nook," he said to the children. "I have been asked to tell you to stop these shenanigans, otherwise I will have to intervene and that would be bad because after all, I was born from blood and anger and revenge and I am a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Ask Rose. Anyway, back to working out the details of our massive farm. Be good."  
  
Alan waggled his finger at the children before getting up and walking towards Rose. The Doctor reclaimed his seat and winked at his wife while he bit into a slice of cheese.  
  
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX  
  
"So…it's settled then?" the Doctor said to Alan and Rose after everyone said goodbye to Zara and Baylor and returned to the TARDIS.  
  
"I think we'll let him try it out," Rose said.  
  
"Ooo, the wife is letting me try it out, that's very big of her," Alan said. "Perhaps she'll let me choose my own socks next."  
  
He grinned when Rose swatted his head.  
  
"And we will definitely talk to John and the others about moving in. We wouldn't mind having them stay there," Rose said. "Otherwise, the house will be empty."  
  
"The cows could live there and have cow parties all day long," Hope said.  
  
"She's just hoping we'll abandon her so she can live here without going to the Academy," the Doctor said to his wife. "Sorry, you'll have to go back to school."  
  
"Blast," Hope said, sulking.  
  
"But Brother," Alan said, coming up behind him and putting his head on the Doctor's shoulder. "Do we want that? I mean she gets awards and certificates and stuff. She's making us look bad now."  
  
"Hmm, you do have a point," the Doctor said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully while Hope giggled. "Perhaps it is bad to have an overachiever in the family."  
  
"Especially if she majors in genetics and cloning and really does make a cow army of her own," Alan said.  
  
Hope giggled some more when the two men stared at her intently.  
  
"Will she become the Cow Queen someday and make zombie cows to take over the universe?" Alan finally said.  
  
"Hmm, good point. So…Cow Queen, will you be making zombie cows eventually?"  
  
"Um…maybe?"  
  
She, her sister and her mother laughed when the Doctor and Alan gave her angry looks.  
  
"No zombie cows, you hear me, young lady?" the Doctor said, pointing at her.  
  
"Yeah, no zombie cows or I'll have to activate that whole blood, anger, revenge thing I got going on," Alan said. "What?" he said when the Doctor gave him an odd look. "You said it, I didn't. But anyway," he said when the Doctor looked at Hope. "No evil Cow Queen…sorceress, empress, goddess or whatever you're going to call yourself or else."  
  
"Okay, no evil Cow Queen," Hope said.  
  
"Good, carry on," the Doctor said as he and Alan turned and walked away.  
  
"Mummy, I'm gonna be the Cow Queen someday," Hope said to Rain with a loud whisper.  
  
"D'ya hear that?" Alan said to the Doctor. "Kill the child now?"  
  
"Nah, I'll do it when she's not expecting it," the Doctor said while Rain hugged her giggling daughter.  
  
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX  
  
Later on that night, Hope got ready for bed while Anne and Elizabeth lay on the floor of her bedroom, waiting for her to crawl under the covers so they could get up on the bed with her. She was in her en suite bedroom cleaning her teeth when the Doctor appeared behind her. He smiled tenderly at her while she stared at his reflection in the mirror.  
  
"Good evening, Cow Queen," he said to her.  
  
Hope spit into the sink.  
  
"Do you want me to become the Cow Queen someday, Daddy?" she said to the reflection.  
  
"Well…actually no, since that would involve me having to stop you from ruling the universe. Not to mention you'd probably try to kill me by drowning me in cow manure or something like that…which wouldn't be pleasant. So no, don't become the Cow Queen."  
  
"So I don't have to go to school then?" Hope said.  
  
"Well, yes, you have to but don't use your brilliance to become an evil genius hellbent on killing me and your family."  
  
"Okay, I'll be a nice cow queen then."  
  
"Good," the Doctor said, ruffling her hair. "Mum will be in to tuck you in and kiss you goodnight. I will do that now and let you have alone time with her."  
  
"Daddy, are you going to the zoo?" Hope said while the Doctor kissed the top of her head.  
  
"Oh, not you as well. Why is everyone so keen to get me into a zoo. Is that another evil trap to ensnare me?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Hope giggled when the Doctor feigned anger at that and lightly bopped her head repeatedly.  
  
"I'm the Oncoming Storm, just remember that…Cow Queen," he said to her.  
  
"Okay, I'll remember, Daddy."  
  
The Doctor grinned. He kissed her cheek and squeezed her shoulder. Hope watched him leave the room before she picked up her toothbrush and finished cleaning her teeth.  
  
THE END.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 6  
  
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